I have been firmly convinced that the single most boring way to spend an entire day is the afore mentioned drive halfway across Texas, to El Paso, via west Texas. (Nine and a half hours of abso-fricking-lutely nothing.) I now know that I was sadly mistaken. The single most boring way to spend an entire day is driving in any direction at all across Texas.
I swear, I love being a Texan. I love that I can fly my state flag as high as I can fly my nation's flag (if I were to fly either, which I don't). I love that my state is bigger than most countries (except for when I'm driving across all of it). I love that everyone knows the shape of Texas, and where it lies on the map.
I do not, however, love how unbelievably unattractive my beloved state is. Seriously. After about the eighth hour of blankness, you start to wonder; how, in all this space, did we not manage one single real mountain? It's like the Rockies crept halfway across New Mexico and got tired. Even our forests are wee little clumps of trees, huddled together screeching at each other "Who's idea was this, anyway? I thought we were going to Yellowstone!"
The only thing breaking the monotony was a huge wind farm about six hours from here. We were so delirious by the time we came upon it that neither of us have any clue where it actually was, but it was huge. At sunset, it was a pretty impressive sight.
I fell asleep after about hour eight. I woke up in Las Vegas, New Mexico, at about hour ten, while Tim looked for a nice quiet place for us to sleep. We found a pretty little park, and tired as we were, it looked like a four star hotel. We climbed out of the truck, and as we stretched, a gunshot rang out. We looked at each other across the top of the truck and got back in without a word. We found a truck stop shortly after, but sleep was pretty hard to come by, at least for me. Whether it was the gunshot we heard, or the fact that one of the big rigs nearby had a motor that sounded like bad techno music, that was keeping me from sleeping, I'm not sure, but it was a long night either way.
In the morning, we endured the usual temper flare-up resulting from four or five hours of sleep after too many hours driving, said we were sorry and got back on the road. Oh, look, more flat.
Before long, though, New Mexico reminded us that it is, pretty much, a perfect mistress. She's much, much prettier, has curves instead of angles, and even smells better, but you still don't love her as much as your slightly worn out wife back home.
We stopped around 10:00 am for breakfast, at one of those huge, clean McDonalds that you always find in towns that don't seem to boast much else. As we ordered our McBreakfasts, this old guy was ordering a hot fudge sunday. At 10:00 am. The pregnant little girl behind the counter (they were all pregnant, actually... now that I think about it... seems there isn't much to do in that particular little town...) looked at him in confusion, as did everyone else. As she explained to him that they use the early morning hours to clean the machine thoroughly, his face got all scrunched up, and he finally exploded, yelling at her, "This is the worst McDonalds I have ever been to! This is ridiculous!" and he stormed off, muttering furiously to himself. Old people are funny sometimes.
New Mexico is small, and before long, we were in Colorado. I called Uncle Rob, who was meeting us there, and got directions, which went something like this;
After Hoosier Pass, go about a mile, mile and half.
There will be a sharp right turn.
After the sharp right turn, take the first sharp left, to the smallest A-frame in the world.
We'll be on the porch waving at you.
Okay, easy enough. Hey, look, there's Hoosier pass! We're almost there!
About a million sharps right, and lefts, go by.
Huh. Maybe we're lost. Tim starts questioning my ability to take directions. I start questioning his intelligence. Soon, we are screaming at each other. We crest a hill, and there due to road work, we are stopped for a while. Tim calls Rob. Rob tells Tim exactly what he told me, which is in turn, exactly what I told Tim. Now we are both confused, and cranky. Great.
About a mile after the road work, I looked up to see Rob and Brad on the porch of a comfortable looking A-frame, waving like a pair of idiots. We started laughing when we took the "sharp right turn", which turned out to be a gentle curve in the road, and took the next left. By the time we pulled up the the "tiniest A-frame in the world" (which actually is quite small, though not absurdly so), we were in great spirits, and ready to enjoy the hell out of the 70 degree highs.
Posted by:Heather
Sunday, August 17
#4 Update
Okay, so to be exact, this particular triumph had nothing to do with the Joy of Cooking cookbook, but damn, was it ever some cooking!
Sushi-grade, seared Ahi Tuna steak. Fresh, organic asparagus in a brown butter sauce. Side of herbed Havarti cheese with organic stone ground wheat crackers.
I rule.
Tim rates it in his top ten meals of all time.
Posted by:Heather
Thursday, August 07
More political nonsense
I have to admit, I was hesitant to watch the Paris Hilton response video. I like funny things as much as the next guy, but come on. It's Paris freaking Hilton. How funny can she be? Besides, I haven't seen a FunnyOrDie.com vidoe yet that I actually thought was funny. But then, today, I was watching news updates on CNN.com, and there wasa discussion about the video (must've been a slow news day), and they said that Paris' energy plan was better than either McCain or Obama's! I had to see it.
Also, I think it might not be a bad idea for President Bush to hire these guys to write his speeches. If they can make Paris sound smart, imagine what they could do for good ol' W?
Posted by:Heather
Monday, July 28
A Presidential race WTF?
I feel I must preface this with a disclaimer. I do not usually participate in political debate. I prefer to leave that up to people more knowledgeable than myself. All kidding aside, I do not associate myself with any political party. I do not have a single religious affiliation (unless you count my in-laws). I have not made a decision, as of yet, as to who I will be voting for come November (and I want no opinions! I would rather decided on my own, thank you very much.) I agree with some aspects of each nominee's campaign, and I disagree equally with some aspects as well.
That being said...
Did you know that John McCain was NOT born in the United States of America that he is currently trying to be appointed Chief Officer of?
"...John McCain, who ran for the Republican party nomination in 2000 and is the presumptive Republican nominee in 2008, was born at the Coco Solo U.S. military base in the Panama Canal Zone to U.S. parents. Although the Panama Canal Zone was not considered to be part of the United States,[5] federal law states that "Any person born in the Canal Zone on or after February 26, 1904, and whether before or after the effective date of this chapter, whose father or mother or both at the time of the birth of such person was or is a citizen of the United States, is declared to be a citizen of the United States".[6] The law that conferred this status took effect on August 4, 1937, one year after John McCain was born — albeit with retrospective effect, resulting in McCain being declared a U.S. citizen from birth.[7]"
If you are like me, and don't really like reading through that kind of crap, I will sum it up for you; McCain was declared a citizen one year after his birth, but through somme retarded ass loophole, it was decided that he could get RETROSPECTIVE life-long residency.
Bullshit, I say. The man is in-eligible to run for president.
Here are the rules of eligibility;
U.S. Constitution, Art. II, Sec. 1, Clause 5: The Presidency:
"No person except a natural born citizen, or a citizen of the United States, at the time of the adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the office of President;"
(There is more to the clause, but it's about age requirements, and let's face, it's pretty obvious that John McCain meets age requirements for just about anything.)
See? I'm right.
I was under the impression that the office of leader of my country was a hard job to get. I didn't think someone could get into the Oval office through a loophole, but I guess I was wrong.
You learn something new every day.
Photardery 
Posted by:Heather
